If It Kills Me AlekxDeryn

         Deryn sat atop the Leviathan drinking in the warm sunlight. She was by herself, having decided not to tell anyone where she was headed. She'd brought along her sketchpad and was currently laying on her stomach drawing.

         "Bloody prince, can't ever get his eyes right," she muttered to herself, scribbling over the picture and starting again on a fresh page. She wished so desperately that she could tell Alek about her secret, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Too many what if's swirled around her in head. She continued drawing, softly humming as she sketched.

Hello. Tell me you know. Yeah, you figured me out. Something gave it away. It would be such a beautiful moment.

         She grinned to herself, imaging the look on Alek's face if he knew. She chuckled, drawing the contours of Alek's handsome face.

To see the look on your face, to know that I know that you know now.

         She sighed, giving up on the drawing and flipping onto her back. She stared into the perfect, cloudless, blue sky.

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking. You know nothing. Well, you and I, why, we go carrying on for hours on end. We get along much better than you and your girlfriend.

         Deryn snorted. The thought of Alek finding a girl was quite amusing. Unless it's you, her subconscious murmured. She shook her head, chasing the rouge thought away. That wouldn't happen; she'd already accepted that fact. He was a prince and she was a commoner. She stood up, making her way across the spine.

Well, all I really wanna do is love you, a kind much closer than friends use. But I still can't say it after all we've been through. And all I really want from you is to feel me, as the feeling inside keeps building.

         She stared ahead and felt tears spring to her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand.

And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me.

         She walked towards the stern end of the Leviathan, arms spread wide. She could feel the hum of life within the giant airship. She suddenly wondered what Alek was doing right then.

How long can I go on like this, wishing to kiss you, before I rightly exploded? This double life I lead isn't healthy for me. In fact it makes me nervous. If I get caught I could be risking it all.

         She thought about everything she was doing to be on this airship. She was lying to everyone she cared about. She couldn't even tell her best friend, after he had trusted her with everything. He'd saved her numerous times and she still refused to reveal to him her deep secret.

Cause maybe there's a lot that I miss in case I'm wrong.

         She sighed and ran a hand through her short hair. She ran back to the head of the humongous whale where she had left her drawing stuff. She was trying to forget her worries and let the air tug at her hair and clothes.

Well, all I really wanna do is love you, a kind much closer than friends use. But I still can't say it after all we've been through.

         She thought back to all the trouble they'd gotten out of together. How well they worked together. How they belonged together.

And all I really want from you is to feel me, as the feeling inside keeps building. And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me.

         She hadn't noticed as someone silently climbed up the ratlines and sat watching her. He was quiet, staring at her with a confused, but extremely concerned look.

If I should be so bold, I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand. I'd tell you from the start how I've longed to be your girl. But I never said a word. I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again.

         She leaned back, letting the wind hold her up. She closed her eyes and let the sun wash over her arms and face. She'd had so many chances to tell him who she was. Alek could see something shining on the midshipman's cheeks and realized he was crying. He lowered his arms and turned around, not noticing Alek sitting in the ropes that ran along the length of the ship.

All I really wanna do is love you, a kind much closer than friends use. But I still can't say it after all we've been through.

         She lowered her voice, singing softly now. She sat down next to her drawing pad, and brought her knees to her chest. Alek could see the tears pouring freely from his eyes now.

And all I really want from you is to feel me, as the feeling inside keeps building. And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me. I think it might kill me.

         The young archduke watched as the upset middy dropped his head. He didn't know why, but if broke his heart to see this boy cry. It tugged at his heart to see Dylan sad and weeping. He knew this was something more than mere friendship. He was about to stand up, but froze as one more line of song came from the boy's mouth.

And all I really want from you is to feel me, yeah, the feeling inside keeps building. I'll find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me. It might kill me.

         She leaned back, lying flat on her back and wiping her eyes.
         "Why can't I just tell you? Why can't I tell you who I am and how I feel?!" she cried and covered her face with her arm. Alek, satisfied that Dylan had stopped singing, finally stood up and made his way over to the boy.

         "Dylan?" he said quietly. Deryn's eyes shot open and she sat up quickly, startling the young prince.
         "Alek! What are you doing here?!" she asked, her voice squeaking to a much higher octave that it should have. Alek saw how red his eyes were, the tears still falling from his clear blue eyes. The scared, broken look on his face made the princes' knees buckle. He barely managed to keep himself upright. "How long have you been standing there?" she asked, her voice shaking as more tears slid from her crystal eyes.

         "Long enough," he said, kneeling down next to the boy. "What's wrong? Why can't you tell me? You know you can trust me," he whispered. He unconsciously reached up and cupped Dylan's face, wiping away the tears staining his pale face. Deryn shivered slightly, the touch of his fingers on her skin sent a tingling sensation through her, all the way to her stomach.

         "I'm not who you think I am," she said, choking back a sob. She looked down, unable to me his green gaze. Alek's eyebrows scrunched together.
         "What do you mean?" he asked. He sat next to him, trying to figure out how to comfort the middy.
         "My name's not Dylan. It's Deryn. Deryn Sharp," she murmured and stared at her sketchbook with the half-finished drawing on it. "I'm not a boy. I'm… I'm a girl…" The princes' eyes widened. Surprise, hurt, and anger all rushed through him at once, but there was also something else. Something much smaller that he almost didn't want to feel that was working its' way through his heart. Relief, hope, love.

         Everything clicked into place. Everything he'd felt and sometimes the strange way she acted. The strange and unexplainable quotes Bovril would randomly blurt out.  Before he could stop himself, he tipped her chin up and kissed her.
         The girl's blue eyes became as round as dinner plates. She slowly closed her eyes though and kissed him back. She'd wanted this for so long. To tell him and she'd finally done it. She was sure she could feel the weight of the world lift off her shoulders.

         She pulled away, her blush blending in with her red lips.
         "Wh… why?" she asked, scared he would decide he was wrong and suddenly run off and tell the captain and crew everything. She did her best to avoid eye contact.
         "It feels like I should have done that ages ago," he told her. He looked at her, concern filling his eyes. "Deryn?" He rolled the name around in his mouth. It was sweet and sounded right, much better than Dylan. She looked up, fresh tears rolling down her face.

         "You can't…" she trailed off, trying to scoot backwards away from him. Alek grabbed her around her waist and she stopped. "Alek… you… you can't…" she whimpered, trying to speak even though her throat was closing up on her. She searched his eyes and found nothing but warmth and love, and compassion. She couldn't take it anymore. "Alek," she choked, desperate for him to do something. He stared at her, before pulling her into a hug. He wrapped his strong arms around her, holding her tight against him.

         "Shh, it's okay now," he murmured into her sandy hair. "Everything's alright," he told her as she cried into his chest.
         "B-but.. Alek. T-this can't… we can't. Y-you're a p-prince and I'm a c-commoner," she blubbered. "Us, just can't happen," she cried. She tried wiping her tears away, but they just kept coming.

         "Deryn," he said softly. She hiccupped a few time and looked up at him through her lashes. Her sky blue eyes looked broken and sad, but he saw something behind that. Love. A bright, burning passion that no stupid throne could quench. "I love you." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. But he knew the moment they were out of his mouth he meant them. He knew that he loved her with all his heart and nothing could change that or get in the way. Nothin would stop him from loving Deryn Sharp.

         The midshipman's eyes widened. That was what she'd been dying to hear from the moment she'd laid eyes on the daft boy. She threw herself at him, tackling him and making him fall against the tough membrane of the Leviathan's head. She pressed her lips roughly against his, not caring that she was still crying, and kissed him, pouring all her emotion into it. Alek's eyes opened wide for a moment, before he closed them and kissed her back. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.

         "I love… you to-mmph!" she mumbled against his lips, pulling back slightly, but he cut her off pulling her back down. Eventually, Alek had to pull away for air. He gasped softly, taking deep gulps of fresh air. He looked up and saw Deryn's eyes shining with happiness. Her lips were bright pink against her pale skin.

         "Nothing," he murmured, "will ever separate us." He reached up, cupping the side of her face. Deryn smiled. She knew that he meant it. He would give up anything, do anything, for her no matter the cost. She brought her hand to his face. She brushed back a stray lock of hair that had fallen onto his forehead. She traced his jaw-line, rubbed her thin fingers over the princes' bright red, sensitive lips. She felt him shiver lightly underneath her.

         "I know," she said, cupping his cheek gently. He shuddered. The tingling, almost burning, sensation in his lips absolutely refused to leave. He watched, blushing as she leaned back down. Her lips brushed lightly against his, making him shake again. He sighed shakily and pressed his lips harder against hers. He ran a hand slowly up her back under her shirt.

         "Alek!" she gasped as his warm hand sent shivers through her. He smirked, raising an innocent eyebrow.
         "Hmm?" he hummed, trying not to laugh. Deryn couldn't help it. She giggled and leaned down.
         "You know we better head down before someone comes looking for us," she told him, tracing patterns along his collarbone. Alek nodded, swallowing loudly.
         "Yea, I guess," he muttered dejectedly. Deryn smiled and rolled off the prince. She began to gather her stuff and make her way over to the ropes that led to the gondola.

         "You won't tell anybody, right?" she asked, turning fearfully to look at him. He grinned and stood up.
         "Well," he mused, walking over to her, "if I get to kiss you like that every time we're alone, I don't see any reason to notify anybody." Deryn laughed and threw her arms around his neck.
         "Daft prince," she giggled and kissed him. Alek smiled and pulled away, looking into her eyes..
         "We better get down," he whispered wistfully.
         "Aye," she nodded and turned to head down.
         "Hey," he said, grabbing her wrist, "I love you." Deryn smiled.
         "I love you, too," she replied, and headed down the ratlines with Alek not to far behind.