“_______! Mi cariño! I’m home!” Antonio called as he walked inside his house. He dropped his briefcase and travel bags on the sofa and slid out of his jacket, leaving him in his dress pants and crisp, white, button-up shirt. The bright white of his shirt made his tan skin seem all the darker. “_______!”
“Toni?” I yelled. I pushed away from my computer and rushed out of the room. I trudged down the carpeted hallway to the living room, trying not to trip on my overly large sweats. I straightened my long sleeve shirt so it wasn’t dangling off my shoulder. My eyes widened as I took in the Spaniard. He was even more handsome than when he left. “Toni!!” I squealed and ran at him. My boyfriend had been away on a business trip for two and a half weeks and I’d completely forgotten he was coming home today.
I leapt at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I heard him laugh as his arms encircled my waist. He spun me around and buried his face in my shoulder. He set me down and smiled at me. I could tell he saw something was off, but he just wasn’t sure what yet.
“Gracioso! You feel like you’ve lost weight since I left,” he said, cupping my cheek. I beamed as I closed the distance between us. I pressed my lips hurriedly to his, desperate for contact after going without him for so long. I also didn’t want him guessing too much about my weight.
Yes, I was most definitely lighter since he left and I knew he would thoroughly disapprove of my methods. I’d pretty much stopped eating and I’ll admit, I was absolutely starving. It was worth it though. I’d convinced myself it was all to look good for Antonio. He was one of the sweetest, cutest guys I knew and I just wanted to be someone worth his time. I ate a little bit to keep my strength up, but not nearly enough to stay healthy.
“Mm, I missed you so much Toni,” I panted, pulling away for air. He chuckled and pushed some hair out of my face.
“I missed you too mi amour,” he murmured, nuzzling into my neck. I giggled as he nipped lightly at the sensitive skin. I ran my hands through his soft, dark hair, relishing the touch.
“Are you hungry? I just bought some fresh tomatoes,” I sang softly. His head shot up and his forest green eyes sparkled. “They’re in the fridge, bottom drawer,” I said. He was running to the kitchen before I could blink. I laughed as I followed after him and watched him rummage through the drawers. He pulled away and shut the refrigerator door, munching on the ripe fruit, He to me grinning and I laughed. He was tomato juice dribbling all down his chin.
“You want some?” he asked, taking another bite out of his tomato and walking towards me. I shook my head, ignoring my stomach’s protests and grabbed a napkin.
“Nah, I was over at Francis’ house earlier and he made a huge lunch. I still wish it had been your cooking though,” I replied, wiping his mouth. Lying had become surprisingly easier over the past week. I didn’t want anyone to find out what I was doing, especially Toni’s two closest friends, Gilbert and Francis. Telling little white lies here and there was simple by now.
“Mmm chica,” he murmured, trying to slide closer and wrap his arms around me. I tapped his nose and snatched his hands, which were also covered in tomato juice.
“Si señor?” I answered, smirking and wiping his hands clean. He chuckled and kissed my forehead.
“I missed you _______, so much,” he said. I smiled and tossed the napkin in the trash can and stood on my tip toes. The darn Spaniard was too tall.
“I missed you too Antonio. I almost thought I wasn’t going to be able to go on,” I muttered, kissing him softly. He smiled and kissed me back. I sighed tiredly and pulled back. I had hardly any energy now a days, for obvious reasons. “ Wanna watch a movie?” I asked, rubbing circles on his neck. He smiled and grabbed my hand.
“Si! I would like nothing more than to sit and snuggle with mi amour,” he replied, kissing my cheek. I giggled and pulled him into the living room. I popped in a movie and plopped down on the couch next to him. He pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me. It felt good to be close to him. His warmth felt nice as he pressed my back against him.
We sat like that for the next few hours cuddling and watching sappy romance movies. The sun had set and I was lying in Antonio’s lap, yawning. The man looked down at me and I smiled. He ran his fingers along my face and I looked up at him.
“Tired?” he inquired. I nodded, yawning again. He grinned and I yelped as he stood up, cradling me in his rams. I clung to his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. “You feel very light chica. Are you eating enough?” he asked, making his way towards our bedroom.
“Mhm. I’ve just been eating a little less. It’s just to lose a little weight. I promise I’m perfect alright,” I said hurriedly. He raised his eyebrows and was about to speak but I kissed him. “I promise Toni. Please,” I whispered, gently cupping his cheek with my fingers. He sighed somewhat frustratedly but nodded his head.
“Alright novio,” he said, walking into our room. He set me on our bed and went to change. I watched as he shed his shirt, the tan skin of his torso glowing softly in the pale lamp light. I stood up as he pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and wrapped my arms around his waist. I breathed in his sweet, tangy scent and smiled.
“I’m so glad you’re home,” I breathed into his back. I felt him shiver and then he turned so I was leaning against his chest. He tilted my head up and I saw his eyes smiling. He leaned down, breathing lightly against my face.
“I’m glad to be home too. Now I have someone to hold while I sleep,” he mumbled before kissing me. I giggled against his lips as he bent down and picked me up. I could feel his hands trying to get a good grip on my legs through my sweats. He definitely knew something was off and he wanted to subtle. Antonio might’ve been carefree and a bit silly, but he sure wasn’t stupid.
We laid down on the bed and I covered up quickly. I turned off the light and snuggled up next to him and kiss his chest lightly. He ruffled my hair, holding me close with one arm around my back. Once again, I could feel his fingers searching my shoulder blades through my short. I knew he was worried, but I’d convince him I was alright. I let sleep take over as I fell asleep on Antonio’s chest.
~A few days later~
“_______!” I opened my eyes as the hot water pounded on my thin form.
“What is it Toni?” I called as I scrubbed conditioner into my hair. I heard the door handle jiggle and then it opened just a little. I groaned internally as my stomach growled loudly against the pattering of the water against the porcelain tub.
“Can I go to the bathroom por favor?” the Spaniard asked. I chuckled and rolled my eyes.
“Come on in and hurry,” I said, turning to face the shower head so it could warm my front. He walked in and shut the door, hurrying over to the toilet.
“Gracias _______,” he replied. I giggled as I tried to drown out the sound of his business. I turned back around and began rinsing the conditioner out of my hair. I ran my fingers through the wet mess and along my scalp. I could feel Antonio’s eyes burning through the shower curtain. That worried me. I looked down and held back a whimper. It had gotten worse since Toni had gotten home. At first I just thought I was little too big and could lost a little weight, but ever since the Spaniard had come back, I thought I was so overweight. I couldn’t see myself as anything but fat, when I was practically showing bone by now. I knew somewhere in my head that this wasn’t good and that I wasn’t healthy, but it was like I didn’t care and I just needed to lose as much weight as possible.
“So have you gone to see Francis and Gil yet?” I asked, trying to distract myself. He jumped at the sound of my voice and shook his head.
“No, not yet. We’re planning on hanging out this weekend though,” he said as he finished up. I smiled and bent down to turn off the water.
“Sounds like fun,” I said, wringing my hair out. I peeked my head around the shower curtain and grinned at him. “Mind handing me a towel?” I asked. He grabbed a towel off the rack on the wall and handed it to me. I reached out for the object and saw his eyes widened as he looked at my arm. It was way too thin and the bones of my wrist, elbow and knuckles were extremely obvious. I quickly grabbed the towel and hid behind the curtain again. I wrapped it around me and looked at my arm. There wasn’t a lot of meat on the bone. I forced back tears as Antonio walked closer to the shower.
“_______, may I see you?” Antonio asked. My eyes widened and tears bubbled their way up. If he saw me like this he’d know for sure.
“Let me get dressed real quick and I’ll be right out,” I tried, leaning back against the shower wall. He shook his head again.
“No chica, now,” he answered, grabbing the shower curtain, pulling it away to reveal my thin, malnourished form. He dark green eyes widened as he looked at my arms, legs, and the bit of my exposed throat. “Dios mio,” he mumbled, lifting his gaze to meet my own. I ducked my head, hiding the fear in my eyes.
“T-Toni,” I stammered, trying to speak, but getting choked on my tears. I was like a little kid getting caught in the act of doing something they know they shouldn’t be, but are doing it anyways. Antonio reached out and cupped my abnormally pale cheek.
“_______, w-why are you doing this?” he asked, stepping into the bathtub. I shook my head, trying to shrink away from him.
“I-I… I j-just wanted to b-be pretty for you T-Toni,” I sniffled, wiping at my eyes as the tears fell uncontrollably. I whimpered as he placed his hands on my waist. When he stiffened at the contact I knew he could feel just how thin I was through the towel.
“Mi novio. Tu eres perfecto tal como eres,” he murmured, “Te amo _______, no matter what. You are beautiful to me. You don’t have to change. You don’t have to do this to this to yourself to try and be beautiful when you already are,” he said. I looked at him, eyes full of tears. “Por favor mi amour, don’t this to yourself any longer.” He looked at me with his green eyes. He had unshed tears glistening in them and I realized I was hurting him by hurting myself.
“O-okay,” I muttered. He gave me a small smile and wrapped an arm around me. He helped me out of the shower, holding me steady the entire time.
“Come on chica! I have the perfect solución!” he said and tugged me out of the bathroom.
~10 minutes later ~
I sat at the kitchen table, fully clothed, as Antonio stood over a pot of bubbling grease. He’d decided that the thing I needed was churros. I watched as he pulled them out of the grease, rolled them in some sugar, and set them on a plate to dry and cool down.
“Alright chica!” Antonio said, turning around with a plate of doughy treats. I gave weak smile as he sat down in front of me. He grabbed one of the churros and tore a bit off the end of one. “Open up.” I eyes the sugary dough as the Spaniard held it up for me.
“T-Toni,” I stuttered, looking at him worriedly.
“Come on mi dulce. Just open up,” he instructed. I gulped slightly and opened my mouth a little. He gently pushed the bit of churro into mouth, licking his fingers after. I chewed slowly, taking in the food. It tasted so good. I swallowed quickly and reached out for more. “Slowly chica. You don’t wanna get sick,” Antonio said. I nodded my head and continued eating.
It felt like forever since I’d eaten and this was wonderful. The sugar making its way towards my stomach was extremely satisfying. I smiled as I licked my fingers, glad to have finally silenced my stomach.
“Better?” Antonio asked. I nodded and moved myself into his lap.
“Much,” I replied, resting my head on his shoulders. “Thank you Toni. I’m sorry for doing what I did,” I said, wiping my eyes. He lifted my head and smiled at me.
“It’s alright cariño. Just please don’t do it anymore. You are so beautiful and perfect as you are,” he pleased, rubbing circles on my slightly hollowed cheeks. I blushed and nodded, leaning up to kiss him.
“I love you Toni,” I said, leaning into him and wrapping my arms around him.
“I love you too _______, so very much,?” he murmured, kissing my cheek.
“Mmm, lower Toni,” I moaned, aching for his finger to go lower. He complied and I arched my back into the touch. His cool fingers kneaded into the tense flesh and I sighed. He was working out a particularly tight knot in my lower back and it was glorious.
“Does that feel better mi amour?” Antonio asked as he kneaded his fingers into the tired skin. I nodded into the pillow I was lying face down in.
“I swear I’m never going to get rid of you if only because of your massages,” I muttered, rolling my shoulders back to get him to rub my shoulder blades.
“Fusosos. Don’t worry chica. I don’t plan on going anywhere,” he murmured, rubbing his hands along the insides of my thigh. I shivered slightly and looked over my shoulder at him. I squealed and tried to turn over as he squeezed lightly.
“Toni!” I cried, giggling. He chuckled and helped turn onto my back. He rubbed my stomach which was no longer hollow and growling constantly. He bent over and buried his face into my middle.
"Mmm, you’re warm,” he mumbled, pressing his cheek against the warmth of my belly. I smiled and played with chocolaty hair. “This is much better.” I quirked an eyebrow and stopped stroking his hair.
“What's better?” I asked, rubbing his cheek. He looked up at me with playful green eyes and I immediately tried to get away.
“This,” he said simply and started blow raspberries on my stomach. I laughed and giggled, trying to shove the Spaniard off.
“T-Toni!! Toni C-Carriedo! Cut it out!! That tickles!” I shrieked, unable to stop laughing. He finally left my midriff alone and crawled up to my face. I lay gasping for air as he kissed my flushed cheeks and forehead.
“Lo siento _______, but you’re just so cute when you’re like this,” he said, capturing my lips. I tried to continue breathing as he took my breath away. I finally pulled back, resting my forehead against his. I’m so glad Toni got me eating again, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I knew where this was headed.
“I think… I’d look a lot cuter… if I was… screaming your name,” I breathed, tracing the waistband of his jeans. Antonio growled and nipped at my nose.
“Oh, we can definitely make that happen,” he said, chuckling and pulling at my shirt. I giggled, thinking of how fun this night could get.